🚽 The Future of Toilets Is Here — and It Somehow Got Lost on the Way

Every once in a while, humanity invents something so groundbreaking, so visionary, so utterly stupid that it forces the entire planet to pause and say:
“…Wait. What?”

Welcome to China’s newest public service upgrade:
to get toilet paper, you must scan a QR code and watch an advert.

Yes.
An advert.
For toilet paper.
Before you’re allowed to use toilet paper.

Somewhere, deep inside a government office, someone actually pitched this idea with a straight face — and someone else nodded and said, “Yes, this is the world we should build.”

Let’s walk through the experience, shall we?

You enter a public loo.
You sit down.
You reach for the toilet roll…
…only to realise the dispenser has gone full Black Mirror and demands identification.

A little screen lights up:
“Scan QR to receive tissue.”
And suddenly, you’re not a person anymore — you’re a hostage in a bathroom-themed escape room.

Your phone battery?
Dead.
Your mobile data?
Gone.
Your camera lens?
Cracked from that one night you swore you weren’t drunk.

Doesn’t matter.
No scan = no tissue.
It’s like a dystopian version of Tesco self-checkout, except you’re not trying to buy food — you’re trying not to leave the stall with tears in your eyes and a personal tragedy on your conscience.

And the justification?
“This will prevent waste.”

Mate, the only thing you’re preventing is dignity.

🇬🇧 Now imagine this in Britain…

Because you know if there’s a bad idea floating around internationally, a UK council is already writing a PowerPoint presentation titled:
“Innovative Community Hygiene Delivery Solutions (Phase 1 Trial)”

Picture it:

You walk into a Manchester public toilet.
A voice booms from the dispenser:
“This wipe is brought to you by Southern Water.”

Kent County Council would absolutely take it further:
“You must watch a 15-second advert promoting our newly repainted school markings before accessing basic hygiene.”

Scotland joins in.
Nicola Sturgeon appears on the dispenser screen saying,
“We cannae give ye more toilet paper until ye vote for independence.”

Eventually, the government issues a national campaign:
“Hands, Face, Arse… Trace.”

🧻 Technological Progress: We’ve Done It Wrong

We were promised flying cars.
We were promised instant meals, robot butlers, automated cities.
Instead we got:

• Paywalls

• Subscription models

• QR codes

• And now a toilet paper advert system that tries to upsell you skincare routines while you’re mid-crisis.

At this point, society isn’t advancing — it’s sprinting backwards while yelling instructions about “sustainability” and hoping no one notices the smoke coming from the government building.

💩 And the worst part?

Someone got PAID to invent this.

An entire team sat in a meeting room designing the world’s first “advert-to-wipe conversion system,” probably thinking they were doing God’s work.

Somewhere, a project manager proudly sent an email:
“Phase 3 rollout complete: toilet paper successfully monetised.”

Humanity: 0
Capitalism: 1

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