Yes.
The mid-2010s.
Back when Snapchat was relevant, David Cameron was running the country, and the word “lockdown” was something you only heard in prison documentaries.

And yet, here we are in modern times — depending on when you read this, almost a decade after the school moved — proudly presenting fresh yellow paint on a road that has not seen a schoolchild since Obama was in the White House.

But don’t let that distract you from the heroism.
This is governance.
This is leadership.
This… is Reform UK’s Kent County Council.

Reform UK: A Party So Focused on the Past They’re Now Repainting It

Only Reform UK could take a road outside a dead school and decide:

“You know what?
This is where we make our stand.”

Not potholes.
Not collapsing services.
Not real schools with actual children currently navigating markings so faded they look like ancient runes.

No.

Reform UK took one look at a fenced-off, abandoned school site and said:

“The future of Kent’s children depends on repainting this exact spot, where absolutely none of them are.”

It’s bold.
It’s visionary.
It’s the kind of decision-making we’ve come to expect from a party whose main policy platform appears to be:

• “Fix things that aren’t broken.”

• “Ignore things that are.”

• “And for everything else, blame someone else.”

A Time Capsule to 2016 (Because Apparently That’s Where We’re Going)

The old Halfway Houses Primary site closed in October 2016 — which means that, depending on when you are reading this:

• It’s almost 10 years old

• Every child who attended has grown up

• And half of them are now legally old enough to vote against Reform UK

But repainting those lines sends a message — an important one:

Reform UK is committed to maintaining vital services… for 2016.

And honestly? If we’re going back to 2016, can we do it properly?

• Bring back cheap rent

• Bring back full-sized chocolate bars

• Bring back not worrying about interest rates

• Bring back the EU roaming charges disappearing

• And while we’re at it…

  Let’s re-run the Brexit vote with actual information this time.

Imagine the slogan:

“Reform UK:
Taking you back to the good old days whether you want it or not.”

Comparisons: Because Nothing Highlights the Absurd Like Cold, Hard Context

To understand the magnitude of this achievement, here are real places with fewer safety markings than this dead school:

• Active primary schools across Kent

• Major junctions in Ashford

• Hospital drop-off zones

• Half the Isle of Sheppey, which is basically a national speed-bump

• The entire country of Luxembourg

Even Stonehenge doesn’t have this level of heritage preservation.

Meanwhile, this abandoned school — lovingly maintained by weeds, foxes, and the occasional lost Amazon driver — is now the safest child-free zone in all of Kent.

What Were They Thinking? A Deep Investigation Into Reform Logic

Let’s examine some possible explanations:

1. The contractor was following a spreadsheet last updated during the Rio Olympics.

Understandable. That year was chaos. Harambe died. Nobody was paying attention.

2. Someone at Reform UK believed children had returned because they saw a pigeon.

Hey, it happens.

3. The council bought a bulk order of yellow paint and needed to use it before the fiscal year ended.

This is the most “local government” explanation.

4. Reform UK genuinely forgot the school closed.

This feels extremely on-brand.

5. They’re preparing for children who will attend in an alternate timeline where Michael Bublé is still Christmas No. 1 every year.

6. Or — and let’s be honest — someone high up said:

“This will make a good photo for our Facebook page.”

And they were right.
Just… not in the way they expected.

Meanwhile, in Reality…

Other schools in Kent — ones with actual living, breathing children — have:

• Faded markings

• Potholes the size of baby hippos

• Parents parking on pavements like it’s the Hunger Games

• Zero funding for basic safety measures

But sure, let’s prioritise the abandoned Victorian survival-horror school nobody has used since the days when Ed Sheeran still did small venues.

Reform UK: The Only Party That Can Deliver for Children Who Don’t Exist

This is leadership.
This is vision.
This is performance art disguised as governance.

If you could measure political effectiveness in yellow paint, Reform UK would be unstoppable.

But alas, life is cruelly more complicated.

Reform UK governing Kent is like:

• Putting new tyres on a car that has no engine

• Installing a smoke alarm in an underwater house

• Repainting the deck chairs on the Titanic

• Giving CPR to a scarecrow

• Polishing a gravestone and proudly declaring:

  “There. That’ll keep them safe.”

If the School Ever Reopens…

And who knows — maybe one day it will. Maybe after:

• A full Thanos-level snap resets the world

• A meteor lands, wipes out the modern education system, and children have to return to 2010s buildings

• Reform UK accidentally signs a 40-year lease thinking it’s an Amazon Prime renewal

• Someone finally reads the paperwork

When that day comes, future archaeologists will marvel:

“Ah yes, this is where the Reform Council prioritised imaginary children over real ones.”

Bless them.

Final Verdict

Kent County Council, under the expert comedic leadership of Reform UK, has once again proven they are unmatched in their ability to:

• Spend money where it isn’t needed

• Ignore where it is needed

• And accidentally generate brilliant satire for us

They don’t just miss the mark.
They repaint the mark on a building that isn’t even open.

This isn’t politics.
This is performance art.
This is culture.
This is Reform UK: Making 2016 Great Again.